You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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