How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
