I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
