I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
