Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
