tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
