His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
