singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
