why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
