so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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