This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
