so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
