That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
