it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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