I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
