Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
