if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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