He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
