Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
