just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
