i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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