its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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