i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize