How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
