I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
