Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
no, he came in my armpit
I smell stomach acid.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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