I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
