the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
