Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
