Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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