This is not my ceiling
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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