you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
