So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
