soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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