How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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