Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
