Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
