I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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