Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
