I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The struggles of a small town man whore
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
