I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
