so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
