btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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