I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
