It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
