oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
