insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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