Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i drank out of a bidet.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
