so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
