its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize