how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
