i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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