found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
