She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
