I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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