I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
