Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize