How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
