You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
