hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
