Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
