Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
