I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I smell stomach acid.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
