that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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