Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
