Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
