hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize