Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
