I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
