What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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