You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
