i jhust puked up my retainher.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
even my farts smell like vagina
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
