If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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