if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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