I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
