I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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