your parents love me but you hate me
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize